I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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