My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
