why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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