o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
