Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
