my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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