Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
