I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
