my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
