I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
