i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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