I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
