I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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