My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
