whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
