my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
only you would photoshop your dick
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
