Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
