Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
