How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I hate all girls vehemently.
Don't make out with my wife yet
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
