I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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