dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
im holly from the hills drunk
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
