I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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