Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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