I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
