Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
