Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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