Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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