youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You smell like stripper and shame
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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