Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
