3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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