i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
