K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
