I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
