wakey wakey hands off snakey
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
