Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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