Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
zippers are such a cool invention
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
