There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
