My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
