I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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