I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
