Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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