went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
