Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
