I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
4 words: hood of his car
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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