Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
