so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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