3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
