I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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