matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
