Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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