U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
