Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
