i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
