lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
